The Male Mom

So I haven’t posted, because wordpress wouldn’t let me in, one day I can log on, the next day I can’t, and like magic, suddenly I can again.

anyway. Today he was teasing me. Yes, I did something, “unsafe”. I went and left him alone whilst he was awake and I showered. It’s mostly unsafe because they always pick that time to cry. The one moment when you can’t do anything about it. Let’s give you an example.

Say your peaceful babe is lying in a toy induced state of perpetual bliss, and has been for the last hour. You think, hey, I’ve got five minutes why don’t I go bench press my truck while lying on a bed of nails. Now for a joke, four of your friends remove the wheels of your vehicle while you’re holding it up for a ten count. You can’t set the truck down now, cuz then it would be lying on your chest, and you would be giving the words “multiple puncture wounds” a whole new level of meaning. Well, your otherwise pacified infant will pick that exact moment to send up a torrent of wailings which would give shudders to a post menopausal banshee. Leaving you in a perverbial pickle.

So what do I do.

First Step. Breathe.

Second Step. Identify the Cry; Is it the ” I lost my binky” or the “My Life is about to end” Cry.

Third Step. Finish whatever it is you are doing, cuz, unless it sounds really, really serious, crying is a sign that your child is alive and breathing. I’m just sayin’.

To get around to the teasing part. I hurried through my shower, dried off, got dressed, did my hair, put on some anti-sweat-and-smell, and then went and checked him. (My bathroom is a total of 3 feet from his crib, and why do I have to explain myself to you anyway.)

The twerp was messing with me, I come in and there is not a tear in sight, and he starts laughing at me. Laughing. I’ll get even, I’ve got 18 years to get even.